10 Ways to Screw Up Your Sex Life: Lesson 5

Most of us are looking for a quick fix to our sexual dilemmas. We want a pill, a DVD, or a series of complex finger movements that will magically make us less anxious and more confident about exposing our true sexual selves. While no such pill exists, and I don’t believe anyone can guarantee that their way is the best way to have sex, I do think there are a few things many of us do that work against the chances of us getting the sexual pleasure we desire.

Over the next six days I’m going to be blogging a bad-sex tip a day. If you’ve got bad-tips of your own please consider sharing the wealth.

Today’s Bad Sex Tip: Grow Up, Get Serious

Sex is the closest thing adults have to the kind of play we engaged in when we were kids. Good sex requires creativity, sharing, communication, feelings, and occasionally making a sand castle or two. All of these are things we’re encouraged to do as children when we play, and they are things we are rarely encouraged to do as adults (unless we’re in therapy).

While sex can be about all sorts of grown up things (having kids, making love, transcending duality, etc…) it can also just be a rollicking good time. There’s tremendous value in having fun, playing, and feeling pleasure, without any specific goal in mind.

If you think that once you become “an adult” it’s your responsibility to take sex seriously, to fulfill whatever you think your obligations are and to do so in a reasonable mature fashion, you lose much of the power and magic of sex in our lives.