Break-Up Without Hurting Her – Is it Possible?
Are you a man considering breaking up your relationship, but you don’t want to hurt her? There are good reasons for staying with your partner, but fear of how she’ll respond to the break-up should not be one of them. Many guys stay because of this fear, even if they have valid reasons for wanting to break-up:
- Maybe you don’t communicate well as a couple…
- Maybe she’s too clingy…
- Maybe you need more space and time to yourself…
- Or maybe you just want to be single and pursue career and personal goals without the complications of a relationship. . .
No matter what your reason for leaving, if you are a compassionate person, you will probably feel bad about having to hurt her. However, no matter how much you care for your partner, you can’t stay with them out of fear of the break-up. Contrary to what you may think, staying when your heart isn’t in it doesn’t benefit her: Nobody truly desires a partner that stays with them out of pity.
Delaying the break-up
Are you delaying the break-up because you don’t want to hurt your partner? Does this sound familiar:
- “I don’t want to cause her pain”
- “I can’t stand to make her cry”
- “She can’t live without me”
- “She’ll freak out if break it off”
These are not valid reasons for avoiding a break-up. Heartbreak is part of life. Would you want to live a life in which you never experienced the pain of an aching heart? A life of minimal heartbreak would be nice, but some heartbreak is unavoidable. There is only one way to avoid heartbreak: Stay single. All of us sign-up for potential heartbreak when we enter into a relationship.
Just remember: You are not cruel for wanting to break-up a relationship that you no longer desire. In fact, breaking up is the only thing you can do once you’ve decided that you can’t keep your heart in the relationship anymore.
A break-up without pain isn’t possible.
If you are delaying the break-up because you don’t want to hurt her, it’s obvious that you care very much for your partner, and that’s good. However, you’re also probably worried about yourself — how will you be able to handle her reaction. Simply put, you’re scared. There is a valid reason for being scared: There is no way to break-up without pain and discomfort.
You can remove that fear by learning how to make the break-up as painless as possible for you both. There are certain guidelines you can follow, one of which is to take action ASAP: The longer you wait, the more you both have invested in the relationship.
If you feel stuck, and could use a guide on how to break-up in a way that causes the least amount of pain possible, see my site on leaving unhealthy relationships and find my manual on how to leave unsatisfying relationships.
Any ideas?
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September 22, 2009
10:17 am
There’s little chance of not hurting her when you break up, but I agree there are ways to ease the pain. Delaying the break up is outright wrong, because you both deserve a chance to find someone else as soon as possible… sticking with a relationship that’s not working out is always a mistake.
October 4, 2009
8:17 am
Yes, once you’ve decided that you want out, you shouldn’t delay. It’s better to get the pain over sooner rather than later.
You should also act decisively for your own well-being and not just hers. If you remain trapped in a relationship you don’t want you’ll become increasingly more miserable. You’ll really end up hating yourself and could become depressed. You may even wind up stuck in a state of fear, trapped permanently! And that’s a horrible situation to be in.
October 31, 2009
5:42 am
You are absolutely correct. The main fear of break up is that whether your partner can sustain it or not, whether he or she would be able to bear the pain or not. But, if you could just make him/her understand that your relationship is just not working then it wil be good for both of you to be apart.
November 2, 2009
11:28 am
really a great post.break up is very difficult to deal with because you do not know that your partner can sustain it or not,but if you make him or her understand than it will good for both to be apart.keep posting.
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November 2, 2009
12:23 pm
I think it is possible, and this is only possible if the mutual understanding of your partner is good with you. She will understand that now conditions becoming so poor so she will be ready for break up. Anyways keep it up and keep sharing.
November 5, 2009
1:38 pm
break up is the toughest moment of your life.its main fear is that whether your partner bear it or not.this is the first time i am reading breakup without hurting.very different article.i forwarded it to my friends.thanks for sharing this with users of this blog.
November 6, 2009
12:00 pm
It is very interesting post. The partners should consult the doctor to solve their issues instead of breaking out just becoz of no satisfaction. There are sex therapies available.
November 8, 2009
5:14 pm
“You should also act decisively for your own well-being and not just hers. If you remain trapped in a relationship you don’t want you’ll become increasingly more miserable.” I was going to say almost the exact same thing
But for a lot of people fear is a powerful emotion. Overcoming your fear is easier for some than others. In the end you will feel great if you get past it though.
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November 23, 2009
3:58 am
I don’t think it’s possible, but you should never stay in a relationship because you don’t want to hurt her feelings.
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November 30, 2009
8:28 am
You make some good points, but it’s very difficult to trust someone who has cheated on you. And if there are reasons why she would have done then it probably means you are not in a happy relationship anyway.
December 7, 2009
12:28 pm
relationships are difficult. Every couple faces their own set of unique challenges and difficulties. Many couples find at some time in their life they will need some additional support and assistance in their relationship.
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December 13, 2009
6:22 pm
There is no way to break up with someone without hurting them, because no matter what you do if she is into you she will get hurt. But it is good that you want to respect her. just be honest, do it in person when you’re both alone, and just talk about it and let her know why you can not continue seeing her, then wish her the best and leave
February 25, 2010
7:08 pm
Pain is unavoidable, and while attempting to evade it is a noble goal, it’s ultimately futile.
March 8, 2010
5:27 pm
You can remove that fear by learning how to make the break-up as painless as possible for you both. There are certain guidelines you can follow, one of which is to take action ASAP: The longer you wait, the more you both have invested in the relationship.
July 15, 2010
5:36 pm
Some very good relationship advice. I especially agree when you say you are not cruel for wanting to break-up a relationship that you no longer desire… It is good that someone has positively addressed the issue of breaking up and not simply on how to get your ex back.