Bad ‘Advice’ From the Fox Sexpert

We’ve watched the career of the “Fox sexpert” with increasing consternation, as the increasingly strange lady throws around phrases like “funky genitals,” and “happy noises.”

Despite her credentials as a “sexologist,” her sex advice often is so strange and unhelpful that we just had to call her out.

On showering before sex: “Explain that her body discomfort turns you off; and that her natural smell turns you on.”

Hearing our man tell us that our insecurities turn him off, well, that turns us off. Some of us ladies want to shower before doing the deed, some could care less. Accept us for whatever we’re into and feel comfortable with.

Read more bizarre tips after the jump.

On dealing with bad kissers: “Some constructive criticism — ‘I love our dry kisses, but my entire mouth gets swallowed when we French kiss, so could we try deep kissing that’s a little more shallow?’”

Would you actually say this to your boyfriend? ‘Cause we’d be super-offended if the tables were turned. And what’s with the weird ocean terminology? Swallowed? Shallow? Is this hypothetical make-out sesh occurring on a boat?

On having great sex: “Lovers have a willingness to expose themselves, to truly be seen. In putting themselves in another’s hands, they relinquish themselves, ultimately penetrating each other’s souls.”

Huh? What the hell does this even mean? This sounds like an excerpt from a bad romance novel.

On having intense orgasms: “Having an extended massive orgasm isn’t like going for fast food. You can’t go into it thinking instant gratification. Instead, approach it as though training for a sport.”

We will do no such thing. The reason way more people are having sex than say, oh, running a triathalon is because of the lack of prep-time. Don’t go all gym teacher on us by making sex more complicated than it has to be.

On scoring a New Year’s Kiss: “If you just met, don’t let your bodies touch.”

How does one go about kissing without touching? It reminds us of our first kiss, when Billy pecked our lips during a game of Spin the Bottle and ran away. Awwwwkward.

To read the rest of the Fox Sexpert articles, go here.

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